Having it all
One of the biggest obstacles in my mind was, “you can’t have a career and be a good mom.” I believed that if I dedicated myself to my career, my kids would suffer because of it. So then I would worry too much about their needs and neglect my own. This would lead to me being unhappy because my self-development value (private and professional) was not fulfilled.
Then I would go to the other extreme. I would exhaust myself with different educations, travel a lot, and I would feel remorse for not being home with the kids. And while I wasn’t home, my kids would usually get a fever, a cold, once even lice! Can you imagine that remorse? (I’m sure you know what I’m talking about)
It is a common belief if you have an amazing career, your kid(s) suffers because you are not at home. But if you stay at home, you have sacrificed all your career prospects to have a kid(s), and when they leave home, you can’t go back into the job market.
That is such a dilemma! Being a parent, having a career, being both supportive to your kids, and successful in your professional field. Why do we believe that we can’t have it all? We can have it all!
I know that because I have tried many things (and fails!) until I have discovered something straightforward: it’s all about outsides expectations. And it’s all about our values. My high value is freedom. The second on that list is secure safety. Hmm, it’s pretty opposite, yeah? How can I achieve my liberty if I choose to stay in my safety zone? There is a paradigm. That is the point of fear. Some tiny voice with a big echo: you can’t have it all. It took me some years until I’ve realized: of course, I can have it all! And I have it all! That was a point where I have begun my journey from. I have chosen, very conscious and wise, to follow my values with an open heart and mind. And I am so grateful for that freedom.
I sometimes hear people who say, „I sacrificed everything because of my career, and my kids blame me now, “and sometimes I hear, „I stayed at home to raise my kids, but they weren’t even grateful. Now, they have their lives, and I missed all opportunities.“
I truly believe if we recognize our values, if we are deep digging to explore them, and then confront them with our beliefs (sometimes those beliefs are ours, but often not), we can find our unique path how to bring balance in our roles.
And then it is possible for us to think it has not been one or the other. We can say (and feel that in our heart):
– I can have a great career and I’m a great mom too!